I am always amazed at how insecurity comes in like a flash flood, crashing through the dams of my own will. As much as I try to build up resistances to the insecurities that haunt me, I still get knocked over by waves of embarrassment and fear. Insecurity can be crippling. It can intimidate you into resisting God's calling on your life.
When I finally published the first post of this blog after fighting it for months, there was a sense of relief. But as I thought about people actually reading it, I went into a tailspin of panic. I wanted to run and hide. I didn't think I could ever post another thing, because I was so afraid of what people might think. But then I realized that "I" had become too big a part in the equation. God has given me a vision. A vision of women coming into all that God has planned for them. Coming out of their veils of insecurity and giving them abundant life. He wants us to stop comparing ourselves to each other. To stop pretending we have it all figured out and to be real with one another.
The whole reason I named this blog "Butterflies in Blue Jeans" is because of my desire to see women be comfortable enough to share their hearts. To stop dressing ourselves up for one another. But yet there I was, wrapped up in that veil myself. And so, I am facing my insecurities and I am choosing to be secure in Christ. I am not going pretend to have all the answers. Most days I vacillate between having complete and utter confidence in God and being completely enslaved by fear. But at the end of those days, I know that I don't have to depend on my own understanding. I will continue to allow God to be my shelter and my refuge and my strength. And when the flood comes in, I know exactly where to hide.
Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast,
trusting in the Lord.
Their hearts are secure,
they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
Psalm 112:6-8
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Butterfly Beginnings
It was a gift, from whom I've long forgotten. A silver metal bookmark that curved over my book, with shiny colorful beads dangling, and at the end, a butterfly charm. Fingering that charm, I was reminded that butterflies begin as caterpillars. Then God whispered in His gentle way,
"You are like a caterpillar."
Caterpillars eat almost constantly. They eat and eat and eat. Anyone who has ever read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to a child knows this. They have an insatiable appetite. But we also know that if we eat the wrong things, we get sick. God's Word is meant to be our food, it is meant to bring life and growth and maturity. But when we stuff ourselves with the things of this world, we can't stomach it.
"You are being fed and nourished by my Word, but your whole world is here on the ground. You go from leaf to leaf trying to fill yourself..."
Caterpillars are not meant to stay caterpillars. It is only a short stage in the butterfly's life cycle. As a caterpillar eats, it grows, and as it grows, its exoskeleton becomes too small. It has to shed off the old to make room for growth. Eventually, being a caterpillar is no longer enough. The caterpillar goes in search of a sheltered, safe spot to build a cacoon. Then metamorphosis begins.
"...but I want you to fly. It is time to change. It is time to allow me to tear you apart, so that I can give you wings."
The change is drastic, it is literally gut-wrenching. The pupa is encased in silk, covered with a veil, but inside everything is changing. Everything is being rearranged and rebuilt. Finally, maturity is reached. The butterfly emerges, wings wrinkled, wet and deflated. The butterfly is vulnerable. Fluid is pumped from the body into the wings. The butterfly rests and waits for its wings to dry.
"I want you to see the world as I see it. Do not allow fear to limit you. I want you to fly."
Timidly, the butterfly stretches out new wings, and attempts flight. It sets off to find its purpose.
The butterfly's main purpose is to make new butterflies. To share their beauty and grace and glory with others. To ensure that the world sees His beauty and grace and glory. Oh, that God would allow me to be a messenger of His transforming power.
Heavenly Father, transform me, renew my mind so that my security, my vision, and my beauty come from You. Tear every earthly part from the deepest recesses of my consciousness. Bring to the surface any insecurities I have buried deep in the dirt of my soul, even if it is painful. Shelter me in Your safe place, in the crook of Your limbs. Replace my fear and timidity with strong wings. Pump into me new life. Rebuild me for Your glory. I will wait and I will rest. I will allow the trials to do their work in me, so that I may be "mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:4). Give me grace in my vulnerability, and strength when I am at my weakest. And when I emerge from this cacoon, help me fly.
"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18
"You are like a caterpillar."
Caterpillars eat almost constantly. They eat and eat and eat. Anyone who has ever read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to a child knows this. They have an insatiable appetite. But we also know that if we eat the wrong things, we get sick. God's Word is meant to be our food, it is meant to bring life and growth and maturity. But when we stuff ourselves with the things of this world, we can't stomach it.
"You are being fed and nourished by my Word, but your whole world is here on the ground. You go from leaf to leaf trying to fill yourself..."
Caterpillars are not meant to stay caterpillars. It is only a short stage in the butterfly's life cycle. As a caterpillar eats, it grows, and as it grows, its exoskeleton becomes too small. It has to shed off the old to make room for growth. Eventually, being a caterpillar is no longer enough. The caterpillar goes in search of a sheltered, safe spot to build a cacoon. Then metamorphosis begins.
"...but I want you to fly. It is time to change. It is time to allow me to tear you apart, so that I can give you wings."
The change is drastic, it is literally gut-wrenching. The pupa is encased in silk, covered with a veil, but inside everything is changing. Everything is being rearranged and rebuilt. Finally, maturity is reached. The butterfly emerges, wings wrinkled, wet and deflated. The butterfly is vulnerable. Fluid is pumped from the body into the wings. The butterfly rests and waits for its wings to dry.
"I want you to see the world as I see it. Do not allow fear to limit you. I want you to fly."
Timidly, the butterfly stretches out new wings, and attempts flight. It sets off to find its purpose.
The butterfly's main purpose is to make new butterflies. To share their beauty and grace and glory with others. To ensure that the world sees His beauty and grace and glory. Oh, that God would allow me to be a messenger of His transforming power.
Heavenly Father, transform me, renew my mind so that my security, my vision, and my beauty come from You. Tear every earthly part from the deepest recesses of my consciousness. Bring to the surface any insecurities I have buried deep in the dirt of my soul, even if it is painful. Shelter me in Your safe place, in the crook of Your limbs. Replace my fear and timidity with strong wings. Pump into me new life. Rebuild me for Your glory. I will wait and I will rest. I will allow the trials to do their work in me, so that I may be "mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:4). Give me grace in my vulnerability, and strength when I am at my weakest. And when I emerge from this cacoon, help me fly.
"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18
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